realitysuxgrl

Hello all! Well I guess I'll start with this past weekend with me getting drunk off my ass. I was chillin with my friend at his apartment to celebrate his 20th (which was only 4 days after mine...so I guess I took care of him AND me:-p). So after some singing with my friend on about the 3rd Jack and coke and consuming two more after that with a little bit of stuff I got sick. To make a long story short here are some key words: 911, heeve(rather than Steve), poop, I hate you, thank you, bathtub, vomit every 5 min for 2 hours like a freakin bulemic. But after that escapade my friend's friends came down from Staten Island. They were cool and awesome and since I was finally feeling better by like 8pm that night I decided not to drink and just watch them go crazy. Fun by all. The next big thing to happen was my Seppy coming down to visit me Monday night! It was pretty funny watching roomate and him go at it about footbal and wrestling. I love him; end of story. When I am with him I just feel whole. I can't let myself keep getting upset, worried, paranoid, whatever the hell you want to call it. I understand my role and what I am supposed to do...it's just doing it that's the problem. After talking to him about it I at least found the essential feeling I have about all of it...fear. I know he is doing his part by providing me with reassurance time and time again. I feel better for a while, but then I start to think which we all know is a bad thing. Why can't I just accept things just for the way they are? Why must I be lil Miss Analyzer when all that I want is right here with me? The sad part is that I know that he is right there supporting me and is right in front of me. I think that because things are going so well so easily, I'm waiting for that one little thing to land on the tower that we've built and just have it collapse. All I can do within my power to prevent this is to let the fucking fear go and just appreciate all that I have with Seppy. I love him and I won't let him go. Seppy & Dizzy 8/20/05-ONE MONTH BABY!